I was born into the IFB movement. The church I grew up in was in the Crown College/Temple Baptist wing of the movement. Preachers were our rockstars, and rules were our Christianity. I made multiple professions of faith starting at age 5 but always struggled with doubting my salvation. I was the good girl because I was always so afraid that God was waiting to strike me down for any little infraction. I have so many memories of traumatizing things and they are almost all associated with church. My father called me a whore because I was talking to a group of teens who by the time he walked up was completely composed of boys. When I wanted to help the Spanish ministry that was starting out of our church, I was told it was fine to serve in that ministry but not to even think about dating some “Mexican”.  When I ended up doing just that, I was threatened with being disowned from my family. When we eventually announced our engagement, someone left a tape of Phil Kidd preaching about the sin of interracial dating on top of my Bible in the church pew.  We are happily married now and have 4 children.  We have served for years in different churches and every time we come to a place of leadership in the church or start to step out to start a work the doors are shut in our face. I even had a pastor say the reason that the doors to our ministries continue to close is because I as the wife have sin in my life. I struggle deeply with the insecurity of past legalistic indoctrination. But my husband and I have been on a spiritual journey the last several years and have found ourselves further and further from the IFB movement. We are grateful that God has helped us understand that we were steeped in legalism and that’s not what He wanted for us. We continue to search for how God would have our family serve Him.