I was saved when I was 12 years old. My Mom took me to a Bible Baptist Church in our town.  Immediately, we started attending every service, every week. The church started a Christian school in 1973. I began attending the school right from the start of the school. The church went through pastors very quickly, but as a teen I didn’t know why. In my Senior year, I began to doubt my salvation. I went to the new Pastor for counsel. He said maybe I was doubting, because I was predestined to Hell anyway. What??? I had already been accepted to a VERY strict IFB college. Pastor said to just live the best I could and enjoy life. Wasn’t going to Heaven anyway.  At this point I was willing to just throw my Christian life all away.  My parents urged me to go to college. (they didn’t know what was said to me) I got to college, and it was culture shock. Everyone looked the same. Sat the same, held their hands in their laps just “so.” The first week, I had to read the rule book and sign my compliance. I couldn’t believe it — we’re talking over 630 rules! One of my first classes, was “Personal Evangelism.” There I found the right words to say in sharing the Gospel. Also taught was body language. When to bow my head so the soon-to-be convert would bow also. Then I was taught the exact words to pray. As a college Freshman, I told the teacher, it sounded like a “canned religion.” You would’ve thought I cursed at him. I wanted so badly to quit and go home. My mother insisted that I  finish my degree! One night that first year, I was at the end of the rope.  I couldn’t go home, and I didn’t want to stay there.  I was homesick, and I didn’t I’d ever be as spiritual as the rest of the students. In deep depression I attempted suicide by overdosing on medication. I’d been to the nurse for migraines, and depression and other ailments so I had a myriad of medicine left. I was put in the Infirmary for a couple of days. The College Dr.(also deacon in church)  said he should  spank me and then”just get over it.” I loved the school part of college. But the ministries we had to be part of made our weekends horrible. Between visiting bus routes on Saturday, services on Sunday, in every kind of weather, left me with bad impressions of Christianity.

I graduated in May of 1983. (sort of) I walked across the platform and got my diploma. I was going to summer school, because I lacked 2 credits. It was “Home Decorating.” For my Home Ec teaching field. I came back for summer school. I was planning on taking Final Exam on the last day of the term. No one told me I had to stay to work in Youth Conference. I already had a plane ticket home!  Again, I thought I’d forget the whole thing. I went to teach in a school in New England. Pastor knew I lacked 2 credits but he hired me anyway. I was the high school English teacher!  I was introduced to the single bus captain in the church. We started dating. As time went on, he said he loved me, and I loved him. He began being more aggressive on dates. I made excuses for him. He thought since we planned on marriage, he could take liberties now. Over and over I said,”No.” He eventually raped me in the back seat of his car. I was devastated — this wasn’t supposed to be this way. I got fired and the pastor blamed me for everything. I wore revealing clothes, (same clothes as Bible college) This man’s word was taken over mine. I moved back home at the end of that week. Before leaving town, the pastor told me now he believed me. He had already told the church and all the parents. I never wanted to teach again. Years later, at a Woman’s Conference, I saw the Assistant Dean of Woman from the College attended. NOW she told me if I was at the college now, they’d treat me very differently.  Too little, too late. By God’s Grace I’m still in church. Now, taking what I agree with and ignoring the rest. And it works.